Wednesday, January 27, 2010


I hope you're wearing a tux, or some garish outfit worthy of Bai Ling. I hope you're ready to squeal and shriek. Because it's the FIRST ANNUAL POLISH MAYHEM 2009 COLLECTION AWARDS!!!! Yes, the best, and worst (this IS Polish Mayhem) of 2009, as seen by me. It was a hell of a year for polish and I am going to give it all its due. So join me for a beer and a fight in the parking lot as I give out my FIRST ANNUAL POLISH MAYHEM 2009 COLLECTION AWARDS!!!!

Let's start with the best, shall we?? It must be said that some MAGNIFICENT polish collections did not get into my top five this year. Color Club Electro Candy Summer 2009 was an intense neon collection, all with blue shimmer, that really deserves an award, and won't get one. China Glaze Retro Diva was a great little collection. Color Club's Wild At Heart for Fall/Winter 2009 was a festival of richly pigmented magnificence, even containing a purple holographic. Definitely in the year's top ten. Orly Once Upon a Time Collection was a terrific mix of colors, with a great range, including green and denim blue. I loved that collection. But I am only giving five awards.

Tie between OPI Holiday Wishes Collection Winter 2009 and Nubar Going Green Collection!
OPI Holiday Wishes Collection Winter 2009. Jellies, cremes, glitters, shimmers to die for. Rich jewel toned colors that set my imagination afire. Hot reds alive with deep shimmer, cobalts so rich they glowed, even an orange/brown so delicious *I* wanted to wear it. Sapphire in the Snow, Shim-Merry Chic, Merry Midnight, Smitten With Mittens, there really wasn't one bad color, though some outshone the others. Everything I hoped for in a Winter Collection from OPI.

My original OPI Holiday Wishes Collection Winter 2009 review:
OPI Merry Midnight

Nubar Going Green was the answer to many people's prayers, with stunning, rich greens, which included shimmer, creme, a holographic green (!) and a duochrome green that was one of my single polish top ten faves of the year. This collection was needed and necessary and that's why I cheated and tied it for 5th Best. It had to be done.

Original review of Nubar Going Green Collection is here:
Nubar Reclaim

BB Couture Beach Summer 2009 Collection!!! I went absolutely nuts over this collection. There wasn't a single dog in this bunch. I mean there's always ONE right? Not in this collection. Named after Southern California beaches, this collection was mostly jellies with glitter that just captured light and shimmered. There were cremes in light blue and green, hot pinks, golden brown like tanned skin, it was simply a stunning collection. BB Couture Venice Beach Party is in my top ten favorite nail polishes of all time.

I reviewed this in two parts: Part 1 , Part 2
BB Couture Venice Beach Party

Zoya Truth and Dare Fall 2009 Collections! These were kind of separate collections but were marketed as a team and that's how I am taking them. And they deserve to be taken together. They are a dazzling array of rich jewel toned shimmers, jellies and cremes in gorgeous glowing pinks, reds, blues, purples and a green. Zoya set the trend for the rest of the year, shattering the pastels and wavering shy colors many were putting out just then, and just like with the mattes, other nail brands scrambled to follow their lead. Zoya is giving us so many great colors, OPI better watch their back, because if Zoya gets in as many stores as OPI is in, OPI may be second fiddle and staying there. IMO Zoya is a brand to look to for new trends, exciting colors, and hotness that can't be beat.

Original review of Zoya Truth and Dare Collections:
Zoya Isla

Tie Between OPI Suede Collection and Zoya Matte Velvets (both offerings)!!! Once again a tie but they belong together, I think, because if Zoya hadn't shown the world how matte was supposed to be, I don't think OPI would have fixed their shitty, yes I said it, shitty, mattes.

Zoya started the first half of their Matte Velvets with the theretofore standard mattes, black and grey. But they added a red, which changed everything. The red was simply truly like wearing velvet on your fingertips. Later Zoya added a deep purple, a sort of fuchsia, and a forest green, showing us mattes can go as far as you want them to, and look like you got a professional car paint job on your nails. Anyone can look like they visited a salon in matte nail polish. So Zoya deserves my thanks, and yours, even if you don't like mattes, for helping widen the horizons of the nail polish industry.

My original review of Zoya Matte Velvets: Part 1 , Part 2
Zoya Posh

OPI started out first with a failure of a matte collection. But they quickly wised up and smelled the wind changing and gave us the Suede Collection. They played it safe and only redid old standards of their line in suede, but wow, what standards. They brought out a collection I will use forever, stunning colors with texture and shimmer, despite their matte-ness. OPI may not be on the cutting edge of polish trends, but they learn fast and like the huge company they are, once they get going they can stomp you flat. This collection stomped me flat as a pancake.

Original OPI Suedes review here:
OPI We'll Always Have Paris Suede

The trumpets blare! Semi-nude men and women line the stage, dancing!!!!!!!

China Glaze Summer Days Collection, Summer 2009. Fruity. Sassy. Glowing, glistening, and mouthwatering. The China Glaze glass fleck formula is possibly my favorite in the business. Everything it touches becomes transformed into something worth drooling over. Even yellow and orange. The Summer Days Collection gave us a great selection of colors, a great formula, and singlehandedly made me a nail polish obsessive. Thank You, China Glaze!!!!

My Summer Days review.
China Glaze Strawberry Fields
China Glaze Raspberry Festival
China Glaze Cherry Pie
China Glaze Orange Marmalade
China Glaze Watermelon Rind
China Glaze Grape Juice


The stage darkens.

Cue the somber music.

No pictures now. Nothing but boring normal fonts and shame. And darkness. Brooding darkness. And did I mention shame?

5th Worst Nail Polish Collection of 2009:
Sula Peel-and-Paint. The colors weren't so bad, even if they were all kind of jelly. It's the incredible dumbness of the idea. Nail polish that you can just grab and peel off. Who got the idea nail polish was too DURABLE????? Smelled like housepaint, had a lack of depth and shine, and you couldn't fill in your ridges with a base or wear a topcoat. And to top it all off the supposed eco-friendly nature of it - the peeling rather than using remover - didn't work. You still had to use polish remover after peeling off what you could of the polish. Go sit in the corner, Sula. It's time out for you. Til summer 2011 at very least.

Original Sula Paint-and-Peel Review here:

4th Worst Nail Polish Collection of 2009:
Butter London Fashionista's Favourites Spring/Summer 2009 Collection. The colors were okay, if somewhat bland and not at all original. Red, yellow, blue, lavender and shimmery bronze. So meh, but what made this collection leave a resounding stench is the formula. WHO WAS ASLEEP AT THE WHEEL WHEN THIS POLISH WAS FORMULATED???? It made me seek out OPI Mattes just to have something easier to use! This was like trying to spread cold marshmallows on your fingernails. It's easier to find an honest politician than apply this crap. Go to the circle of hell reserved for nail polish you can't actually apply, Butter London. And have a long, quiet internal discussion with yourself about whether you really want to be nail polish, or industrial epoxy glue.

Original review here:

3rd Worst Nail Polish Collection of 2009:
MAC SugarSweet Summer 2009
. Two crappy cremes, one pinky/peach and one mint green. Coulda bought these at any drugstore. Puerile and retro without the genius of making what is retro fresh again.

Original review here:

2nd Worst Nail Polish Collection of 2009:
Color Club Dark Romance Matte Collection.
This was a mini-collection. A matte black, a matte white, and a matte... metallic silver? And get this, none of them were actually matte. They were just dull, like very old bathroom paint. A MATTE COLLECTION THAT WASN'T MATTE. Way to try to capitalize on a fad. With shitty polish. Why thank you, I WILL use that hammer to destroy these bottles.

Original Review here:

. Wow what a steaming load this collection was. Like the Suedes, OPI decided the dark horse of matte trendiness was not good enough to develop new shades, so they tried some old ones. Not a bad group, they used many again in the Suede Collection. The problem was they thought that just making the polish MATTE was enough. So what we got was a fetid bunch of chalkboard textured flat house paint looking muddy junk that spread like rubber cement and was as appealing on your nails as coloring them with Sharpies. OPI wised up, but not before the white hot spotlight brought sweat of shame to their brow. A collection that will live in infamy!!!!

Review here:

I hope you enjoyed yourself. I exalted some things. I destroyed something beautiful. I danced and sang for you. I think this was epic. Thank you for your gracious attendance at....


Brought to you by Ikea.

Not really.


  1. Briliant! I even wore my formal yoga pants for this. Great idea and well executed!
    I agree with so much here. Summer Days? Loved it!
    OPI mattes? DO NOT WANT.

    Thanks for the smile!

  2. HA-ha-ha-ha you are very funny- I loved this and agree with most of your choices!

  3. Very cool! Some of my fave shades in there too! That Merry Midnight is sooo pretty!

  4. I thoroughly enjoyed this post when I should have been working. Thank you for the break from insanity that I needed today.

  5. Great Awards! This was perfect, funny and pretty right on! Thank you!

  6. Poor, poor OPI, they totally dropped and popped the ball on that matte collection. This was funny and highly enjoyable. I agreed with most of what you said. Can't wait for next year's!

  7. LMAO! I put on my most garrish robe and my glam pigtails! Oh what a cerimony!

  8. Wow! What a great post! So funny! You made my morning! :)

  9. What a wonderful post, thank you for doing this. :)

  10. Great post! This just confirmed that I NEED Watermelon Rind! Even though it looks kind of sheer.

  11. I wish you wrote this post 2 weeks ago so I didn't waste my time with the Sula polishes. I would've made them the #1 worst polishes ever! The colors were cute but the whole polish and peel gimmick is pure crap!

  12. Tee hee, I am a little late to this post (having only recently discovered your blog), but I have to say that it was fantastic! And makes me glad I never bought any OPI Mattes (though now I'm considering a few Suedes!). :D